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Right before Christmas Lisette at Northern Belle Diaries wrote a post about breaking up with your friends. I have tried to reply to her post soooo many times but just couldn’t get out what I wanted to say. My replies kept getting longer and longer and so I finally decided to write my own post about it.
Breaking up with boyfriends is easy enough, I mean not really but usually you have a good reason. You don’t “click”. He cheated. You just don’t think it’s join going to work. And so on and so forth. Breaking up with a friend is not so easy. There is usually not a good reason. Sometimes you just drift apart and sometimes something just happens.
Sometimes we are friends with people out of necessity. We went to the same small school and had every class together. We were in the same sorority in college. We started our first jobs right out of college together. I mean would you really have been friends with some of those people otherwise? Probably not.
I agree wholeheartedly with Lisette that social media makes it hard to make a clean break with people. I mean I am friends with people that I really never even talked to in high school and college and yet I know more about their lives than I ever would have otherwise.
I think there comes a time in your life when you “move on” and become interested in other things and you really have nothing in common with those friends and so you mutually part ways. I’m not into going out every weekend and I’m definitely not into getting drunk every night during the week. I’m also not one of those people who has to be around people 24 hours a day. I love to spend time alone…go to the movies alone, go out to eat alone, go shopping alone…etc. I relish in those moments I get to have peace and quiet and just do what I want to do.
I have a friend right now that is just in a different place than me. We used to be really good friends and hang out a lot but then things just slowly changed. I started working a different shift at work so we weren’t able to hang out as much. I bought a house and got my Sophie puppy. I recently started back to school. I look forward to change and moving on with my life after I am through with school. Like I said earlier we are just in different places in our lives and it’s hard to connect like we used to. You can try to force it but then it just gets awkward.
Again with my free theme for this year I am looking forward to 2014 as a year to just keep moving forward with my life in a positive manner. I don’t want to be around people who constantly bring me down, make me feel bad about myself, and make me feel bad about my success. I also don’t want to be around people that I have to “edit” myself in front of. Not that I’m bad or anything but I don’t want to have to think “Oh will this offend so and so?” “Will this upset her?” I just want to do me and be me and I want to surround myself only with positive people who make me feel good about myself.
Have you ever had to break up with a friend?
You are so right in cutting out negative people, or people you can’t be yourself around. Why continue to make yourself miserable?
Excellent goal for this year :)
I know exactly how you feel and I swear breaking up with a friend is so much harder and taxing on yourself than it is with a relationship. I had a best friend that I had to break up with. Im talking we could have been sisters, that kind of best friend. We both started new relationships, her guy was and still is douche, and I decided that I didn’t want to be around him. He also changed her. She isn’t the same person I use to spend time with and it took me over 3 years to finally get over her. Sounds stupid, but true. I know its not because of me or her, its because we both took lives in two different directions. We both married those guys, but she got pregnant right away and I didn’t. It’s ok to say goodbye to those people who you just don’t want to be around. Its all about what makes you happy! :)
Spot on. I know exactly what you’re feeling and I’ve been there. It’s hard and painful. Like, breakup hard and painful- maybe even worse than some. It’s challenging to maintain a positive and healthy friendship sometimes and you know that means you’ve got to let it go. Here’s to freeing yourself of toxic friendships in 2014 – I know you can :)
My best friend and I “broke up” almost three years ago. It still makes me sad when I think about it, we were friends for a VERY long time…but I guess it happens more than I realize. Friendship is about give and take, when you are the only one who is giving, it isn’t really a friendship. I totally agree about removing yourself from negative people and not letting others bring you down or make you feel bad! Having to “edit” yourself is not cool either!
Great reply to her post! Breaking up with friends is so hard, and I feel like the older I get, the more it becomes an issue. Like you said, when you’re in a different place in life as a friend it’s sometimes hard to connect. It sucks, but such is life. Great goal on staying positive and keeping the negative people OUT of your life!
I have had to do this a couple of times…and have not regretted it! I turn to my friends to have fun with and for support, and I hope I am able to do the same in return. If hanging out with someone continually drains me emotionally, it’s just not worth my time anymore.